Insomnia/=Productivity?

Last night I could not sleep. It could have something to do with the fact that my mother and I together drank an entire pot of coffee last night. But it wasn't a big deal, because I got a lot of stuff done. I went to bed at 4:30am, and spent some time organizing, puzzling, and sketching. I also watched a bunch of episodes of 30 Rock. This is my new obsession. It is a hilarious show, although I think I am catching on late. I have always heard it was funny, but now have had the chance to watch from the beginning.

Last night I was inspired to create a cruise line. It is called Blue Desperation. I am going on a cruise over spring break, and am excited to possibly wear some of these outfits.

I created some sketches from my ideas, and one reproduction out of the Victoria's Secret catalog. I got really into the sketching, and started to remember my love of drawing, and recalled my dream of being a fashion illustrator. These sketches are obviously still rough. These are obviously illustrations and not technical flats, so they are an ideation rather than the blueprint for the garments I will make. I wish my style was more cohesive. That will come hopefully. So here is a rough start of illustrations for my line:

This is the Vikki's sketch. (kind of a practice for myself) I don't know why the last one I uploaded popped up first on the blog.

This is the evening ensemble. Notice her class; she has wine. The "railroad tracks" behind her is actually the rail of the cruise ship. :)

Swim wear. Top is a wraparound and has an exaggerated side bow.

This is the first day of the cruise, with off-the-shoulder jumpsuit, and travel bag. Note the cruise ship in the background. She possibly just got off the flight.

And here is the puzzle of New York I got for Christmas last year, and finished last night/this morning:

I welcome all comments/questions/suggestions!

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah!

Christmas break has begun!! :)

I want to really get creative this break. Apart from making a painting of my dad's dead dog, I want to make a line of clothing. I have been afraid to commit this to blog, but I now have to be responsible for this project. For themes, I have thought about an athletic wear inspired theme; to spring off of my racer back dress I posted earlier. I will post sketches and pictures of the final garments. I am also thinking that if I do not finish this before break ends, I can do it over the course of the semester as well.

I have always wanted to do this, and why not?? It should be fun :) I want to include another dress that would be a transition day to night piece, and a jumpsuit. Separates would be another outfit possibility. OH! I just got sooo excited.

Also, I know that the picture from the clap your hands say yeah album does not exactly correspond with this post. But it's christmassy, and I just got home for christmas and am getting super excited. I'm going to do my last minute shopping tomorrow and help my mother with cooking prep. But the moral of the story is that if you haven't heard of Clap your hands say yeah, you should check them out. A good song to start off with is by the skin of my yellow country teeth. They are a fun offbeat band!

end o semester

This is my fourth year in college. I have one and a half years left! A lot of my friends are graduating this year! I feel as though it has been much less than four years. I feel like I should feel older... ya know??

Somehow I haven't managed to learn from my mistakes yet, and haven't been able to feel confident in what I know.

Maybe that will be my new years resolution... To grow up. I feel as though I can be grown up at times, but I am definately not ready for the real world or to graduate or to take responsibility for everything and anything I do. Also... I don't want college to end! I never thought I would say this, but this year school has been fun. I suppose this is what I wanted all these years of college! Friends, fun, sillyness, and people who I can trust and call my true, dependable friends.

I am so happy that I have started to discover this and experience what happiness in being where I am is.

I am not looking to the future, or worried about the past, but for once I feel like I am IN the present. And I just realized this! I am happy to see what is around the next corner, but not so scared of it anymore. :)

I am setting goals to make things better and I am realizing that some things can be amazing!

And maybe bad things in the past don't have to hang around so close. I try not to let them anymore.

Confession!

My roommates are making dinner and one just said,"I swear sometimes the stove smells like its melting" the other one, "I know!?"

...well I neglected to tell them that while I was living here over thanksgiving I made soup, and put wheat thins in it. Unfortunately, when I moved the soup off the burner, I put the bag of wheat thins on the still hot burner! Melted/burning plastic and wheat thins all over the burner. WHOOPs.

Boy do I feel better getting that off my chest.

semester reflection

For school, I have had to do a reflection upon my week every Friday. I thought it would be a good idea to do a reflection upon my entire semester.

Here are some things I accomplished:

-Downloaded a bunch of music, and am now experiencing new exciting music!

-Gotten closer to my roomies (wish we were closer tho)

-Improved my handwriting

-Worked on waking up on time (I'm pretty good at it now..)

-Learned to balance 20 credits and two jobs. Along with a bit of a social life!

-Wrote 8+6 lesson plans (thats 14)

-Made some friends in my major

-Kept my room clean.

-Got a promotion (even though it didn't pan out.)

-Got a new awesome job.

Things I would like to work on for next sem:

-Make more clothes

-Exercise more (P90X)!!

-Put more effort into school.

Over break, however, I want to read a lot of books and get started on sewing things. This is making me so excited!!

Suggestions for books to read would be greatly appreciated!

JOB

So today I quit my job at Express. I was promised a management promotion I did not get, and then promised to be trained to be a manager even though I was not going to be one... but then that fell through too. I was also told that I would be trained as a fashion expert (a kind of personal wardrober who is very knowledgeable about Express clothing.) This hasn't happened either. So when another girl was given the management job which I was next in line for, I decided I had had enough. I am working there until the 20th.

This may be good, however, because its always fun starting a new job, and I will try and get one in the childcare field.

Let me know if anyone sees any places that are hiring, or if you have a connection to a childcare job, that would be ideal!

Stuff

http://www.storyofstuff.com/

Oh wow.

Everyone should watch this.

My love

So I have decided that I don't sew enough. I love it! But I seem to have trouble finding time. I of course find time to sit in front of the tv, or take forever to do my homework with 20 distractions rather than doing it all in one chunk. So I posted these pictures up here to inspire myself. I made this dress over the summer and it is the last thing I have really made! Embarrassing. It makes me excited that I can actually make soemthing like this. I dreamed it, sketched it, and sewed it. It wasnt even hard. And most of all it was FUN. I have friend who is always praising me for this, and saying how much I need to use my talent more, and work on it and get better at it. I think it is important to spend time doing something you love, and I just want to get a start on it because I seem to have forgotten what it feels like to take something from the sketchbook to real life and actually be proud of it. Also, I need to get out of this FUNK. I just need to get back on the horse! I am going on a cruise over spring break, so I think my next project will be making a dress for that. Or a jumpsuit. I have been wanting to make a jumpsuit for some time, because they are so cute and in. The only problem is I have no money, and most of the jumpsuits I see have wide legs, so that I don't want to buy them. I think it would be a nice challenge for me. Either way I have the itch to CREATE!! Now all I've gotta do is scratch :)

Confusion

Sometimes I can get confused between what is real and what is a dream. My subconscious must be powerful, because it often has a big impact on my conscious thoughts and behaviors. For example, if someone is annoying and pissing me off in a dream, I will literally wake up MAD(at them). I don't much care for that, because that person didn't necessarily do anything to make me mad... except for piss off my subconscious in some weird way. In addition.. this is NO way to start off a day. On the other hand, I can have a really romantic dream about someone, and the next day I am suddenly looking at them in a whole new light... I will just find them so much more attractive. This happened to me the other night. A friend from a while back accidentally texted me the other day. I was actually missing this guy recently. He meant to send the text to another Anna, but this text from him got my mind reeling. In my dream we were so in love, and we were married with a little baby! I woke up the next day and I couldn't stop thinking about this guy! I wanted to text him back and tell him :) But I refrained to retain some illusion of sanity. Also recently there has been some drama in my house. It has been unreaLL. But I have woken up having dreams about this situation, and I won't know which details actually happened and which I had dreamed. Sometimes things clear up through the day, but its scary because sometimes I don't know at all what was dream and what was reality! It makes me feel nuts, but I think it is also amazing what your subconscious is capable of doing, and how vivid and real my dreams are. I love the hyper-realistic dreams, mostly the ones that are really romantic and happy :)

Well...

OK sooo I've always wondered how in movies the couples can kiss first thing in the morning. But I enjoy your bad breath! Don't worry. It's probly some sort of cosmic/magic thing. You'll see. Just give it time. I don't even feel awkward around you like I do around most everyone else. So I just wish I could see you once in a while. I just don't want to live out those lyrics by my favorite man again,

"...Took all winter, to get through the summer"

-Tom Petty

you invade my dreams, camp out in the corners of my mind, and occupy my heart. (and that makes me happy)

:o)

My new fave Menom. Bar

So I have been up at school this weekend when there really isn't anyone up here. I came back on Thursday night after thanksgiving to work on Black Friday. It was nice to have some random free time on my hands while I was alone at my house. I got some pants hemmed, some hw done(not enough) and watched some 90s movies that i wasn't allowed to see when they came out. (Night at the Roxbury and Superstar). Something fun I got to do was to go out with a co-worker. It was fun. We went out on Friday, and then again on Saturday along with this cute blonde friend of mine. This coworker is the one who introduced me to the OB. She talked about it as a kind of slummy bar where you go at the end of the night to dance. (Someplace Else, but less classy??) Anywho, I made us go there last night. And there was a HUGE bar fight there. Pool Ques were being thrown around, and there were just a TON of people in on this fight. And then a pool ball came rolling over by us! It was scary. There was a guy with blood dripping down his face from either a pool que.. or maybe that ball that came rolling by. I have no idea what the fight was about, but the mob came over towards us, and I'm not sure if the police were there the whole time, but I noticed that there were two police people in the midst of the mob. I think they were trying to control the crowd... (very unsuccessful attempt) I saw this little woman hit the cop for trying to keep people under control. It was like something you see in a movie or something. It was a sight to see, and thank God I'm here to talk about it.

Dance

This video is amazing. Pam Chu went to the same dance studio as me. I took a class from her and had the privilege to see her dance up close. She danced with the most feeling and desperation i have ever seen from someone. She was so inspiring it brought me to tears. The dance she taught us was to Breathe Me by Sia. I highly recommend the song, and the dance was amazing. !!! This is her dancing to John Mayer, with another amazing dancer Ben Susak, and choreographed by Wade Robson who is amazing. He choreographs for So You Think You Can Dance now.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3oSL1Uy7PIg&feature=fvw

Friends

So last night before I drifted off to sleep, I watched an episode of Friends. Actually, pretty much all night last night I had been watching Friends. I then fell asleep with my phone next to me, and my computer next to me, playing Iron and Wine, which I love to fall asleep to. (Lovesong of the Buzzard is my fave from them right now.) So I was sleeping with my electronics, which I often do. I enjoy this, I think because it is cozy. There is room in my bed for them, so I invite them in, and both my phone and computer took me up on my offer. So my dream was about Friends basically. It was about Rachel trying to cook. She had a bunch of knives on a tray, and she was putting them in the oven. Then, we all decided to dig a really big hole. Chandler, Joey, and I all ended up really far down into the earth, where it is all molten lava. We didn't get hurt, because suddenly we were encased in these metal spheres. So there we are, inside these metal balls, zooming through the core of the earth. It was pretttyyyy cool. :) Weird.

Hanson

So last night I had a dream that I can't get out of my head. I was feeling desperate because all of my relationships (I use that word loosely) lately have been failures. So I signed up for some sort of internet dating service. I apparently met a man who I was compatible with and crazy about. Turns out he used to be in a boy band when he was younger. Turns out his name was Taylor Hanson. Man was I in love with him. The only problem being that I have never been one of those girls who was in love with the band Hanson in elementary school. In fact I was anti-Hanson. I recall this seeming to be a slight problem in my head, but we still continued to date. I could only see him when I was up here at school, so our time was limited (I am not sure exactly why because I am always up at school). He told me he was from little Canada. So I was talking to someone about how I was dating a Minnesotan, when Taylor corrected me and said he was from the country of Canada. After I woke up I had some thoughts about this: why would he call Canada little? Or did he misunderstand where he was from? Or, was he part of the witness protection program (hiding from his past as part of a horrible boy band) and couldn't remember where he was "supposed" to be from? I think the case is that last choice. So him and I went on a little excursion which was kind of like a fair/festival. Oh and it was springtime in the dream. We walked over the cutest bridge to go to the fair, and in the pond below someone had written (don't ask me how) "I love you Danielle" And in my dream it was this girl I went to high school with. Which is weird because I haven't seen her since I randomly bumped into her in Eau Claire last semester. Well at the far we were sitting on the ground by a statue with Taylor's two brothers (the other 2/3 of the boy band) when I noticed his feet. ! He had a LOT of warts on them. There were these bumpy, multicolored lumps that were meshing together on the tops of his feet. It was really not gross at all (In the dream....). So naturally I counted his bumps on his feet. I think this may be reflecting my fear that my cute feet are getting beat up lately. I wore new heels out to the bars on Thursday and came back with two huge blisters on the bottom/sides of my feet which are still bugging me today. I have been in heels all weekend for work, and my feet hurt/aren't happy. Looks like Taylor and I were really made for each other...

weekEND

Well it's Monday, and that means I'm back to trying to avoid doing homework. I actually am a little short on homework this week (I know I still have projects that I could be getting a head start on). My hardest teacher is off to a conference this week, so I don't have those two classes, and just have projects to work on for her classes. Tonight has been the opposite of productive, so I thought I could share some sleeping thoughts from the weekend:

Maybe its because I was, but my dreams were drunk this weekend. I was boarding a plane on some sort of class trip. I don't know if it was a college or high school class trip because I'm not sure who the other people on the plane were. In the dream I knew them however. I was very scared boarding the plane, as I always get when I fly. I had my ipod, I remember that. The next thing I knew, I was in Colorado. It wasn't cold though. I remember seeing a bunch of people I knew that were not on the class trip. I remember thinking to myself that I knew these people because there were a lot of teaching jobs available in Colorado, and many people from Oakwood Express had transferred to this Colorado store. Then I was playing with a bunch of kids, and we had a bunch of equipment out on this hill. We eventually had to clean it all up, which we were told by our parents who were on top of the hill. I of course did all the work, and none of the other kids helped. So there was one more thing to be put away, and I was going to make the other kids clean that up, and I climbed the hill to where our parents were. I think I was being kind of a tattle tale, and they told me to finish picking up. I whined naturally. Then the father of a child of ethnic descent started to tell me about how I had nothing to whine about and that he and his child had it much harder.

Then, he taught me this valuable lesson by taking me through a maze on the way down the hill. It was made of tiny weak pieces of wood, with tiny areas about 1 foot tall that we had to get in between. I made it though, don't worry.

My friend and I were discussing this dream, and he said, well now we have to interpret it. I guess I don't do that very often. What he came up with is that the maze means I'm confused. I said .. YES, I am, I didn't need that weird dream to tell me that. Actually I think I said, yeah...

NEW PUPPY

My parents got a new puppy and I got to see it over the weekend! He is soo cute, this pic does not do him justice... He is sooo tiny, and so soft, and sooo wiggly! Love him. :)

I wanted to tuck him away in my bag and take him back here. Apparently my big fat cat Winston is scared of him. Eli wanted to play and Winny runs away. It's cute.

Home again

So this weekend I went home to visit family. I decided that since I did not work (RARE) I would go home and visit family. Also, it is my mother's birthday today, so we celebrated over the weekend! Happy Birthday MOM!! :) Also, I won't be able to be home over thanksgiving very much, so I thought this was a nice opportunity to see family and friends that I wouldn't see over thanksgiving. So I got to see an old friend who I haven't seen in forever (an ex), and barely got to see my best friend. :( I hung out with my family which was nice. The weekend went SUPER fast, and I of course did not get everything I wanted to done. My mother is very upset about this new job taking up a lot of my traditional "winter break" time. I am upset too, but this is a very important thing to me right now. I feel like a lot of people have accomplished a lot already that I am jealous of: photographing weddings professionally, making logos for companies(being paid to do so), making amazing clothing designs, or making amazing graphic design pieces. So this job is very important to me, professionally and for me to know that I am accomplishing SOMETHING. :/ It makes me very proud.

I can't wait until this weekend though; because I want to have a lot of Menomonie fun. Woo

Slipping Dreams

So I hate that feeling when you are having an amazing dream, and even though you know its not gonna last, and its not real; you are SO upset when it ends. Or leaves, and you still want to snuggle :(

SICK!

It is not enough to question authority, you have to speak with it too. Taylor Mali

So lately I have been sick. It feels like weeks now, many weeks. I have had a cough and cold-ish thing for the past few weeks, and then on Saturday got real nauseous and had a migraine that was debilitating. This was a Saturday/Sunday thing, just enough to make me miss work on Saturday which was SUCH a disaster, almost leading to the loss of my bar job, which I love and pays reaaalll good. Also, I didn't get to go out on Saturday for Halloween. This would have been fun, and also I often feel left out from my roomies, which is something I want to work on because they are cool kids.

I keep telling myself that next semester will be better, because I only have 12 credits next semester. And I won't have to take winterm. I had to drop my winterm classes so that I could have enough credits to be full time next semester. wonderful :)

So on Monday I felt fine and dandy (for the most part) and I thought I was totally over my sickness. Then Tuesday night I started feeling feverish and weak and nauseous again.

SOOO Weds morning I called health services to see if I had h1n1. Seemed like I did, so I contacted dean of students to email all my professors. Weds. are my busiest days; I go from 9-5:30, so It was a win/lose situation. I had an assignment due in one class, a lesson to implement in another, and missed a discussion and 2 lectures. So I feel like I'm ok, I just have to turn in my assigns Friday hopefully. I feel like I will be able to get to school on Friday. I hate feeling like I'm missing important info in class. It makes me worried.

So since I was sick... this is what I've been doing...

-Sleeping (my favorite!!)

-Having VERY weird dreams

-Lounging around in my snuggie (see pic-that was when I was well however)

-Trying to do hw. One of my teachers said.. "well since you are sick what else can you do but homework?" umm... that's why we are at home, because we are too sick to do anything else!!

..that's about it!

I am headed home this weekend, and I hope it's not too crammed like most of my weekends home seem to be. I want to shop, but I seem to be losing money left and right (I know I'm spending it, but only on necessities) hang out with my BFF, and possibly my friend I have reconnected with now that he is not on heroin... its still a decision I am making.

Today I got up on time-had time to get ready, and made it to class on time!

..This shouldn't be this exciting, or a big accomplishment. But lately getting up in the morning is my mt. everest. It's sad, and I couldn't seem to shake my love of sleeping in. Then I got a new alarm clock. Today was my first day with it, and so far I love it! it is SOOO annoying and it wakes me up. It is all the way at the other side of my room, and I cannot take it back into bed with me like I do with my phone.

Along with this goal to wake up on time and get to all my classes, I have been setting other resolutions. My thought is that I will have done them by new years, because then I have a new resolution.

Goals:

-Learn to wake up and get going in the morning!

-Have nicer handwriting (I've been working on this, and its going well except when I try and write fast.) I need teacher writing. :)

-Think before I speak. I feel like lack of this was a big reason for my last breakup. Which sucks because we should not have broken up... anywho... I don't want to alienate any more people so I will be more careful with my sarcasm and harsh words.

Then... at new years I'm going to start back up with my P90X! I started over the summer being inspired by Ashley Peter, and I loved it. It just takes a lot of time (an hour a day), but I felt so good on it, and I really want to tone up. (tone down?) After the school year got into swing I stopped the P90X, but next semester I am taking 14 credits instead of 20, so I'm hoping I will have more time for exercise, and work :) Love my job!

also.... Only 2 more months until Christmas!!! Listening to Christmas music as I blog!!! Love it :)

First snow

Today was the first snow! It was so shocking to me this morning, but I was so happy. I don't know if I just needed a change, or some sort of beauty in my life, but it was very breathtaking to me today, and I liked it. I didn't mind the snow in my hair or in my eyelashes. I often find this very nice. Also, the weather was so nice. It was not very cold, and even though it was Monday, I had a pretty good day. Also, I was thinking the other day that I hadn't seen the free muffin lady all semester, and I didn't know if the free muffin Mondays were still going on. What to my wondering eyes should appear but free muffin Monday lady near Harvey this morning. Beautiful! Even though this is a cupcake blog, not a muffin blog, I have come upon it recently, and I like it. It's fun, and muffins and cupcakes are sisters. http://cupcakestakethecake.blogspot.com/

So it is 2:45, and I think I could have skipped the Rockstar tonight. I am wide awake, and I want to be sleeping. I loooove to sleep. And I haven't gotten a lot of it lately. So I haven't been able to dream very much.

This weekend when I went home, I got to go to So you Think You Can Dance live at the Bradley Center. It was really wonderful to watch, the dancing really moved me. I love dance. I love to watch it, and I wish I was still involved in actual dancing. I loved this dance :http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YS3qNcEBCv0&feature=fvw There is an intro to the dance so you can just ff to 1:05 if you want. Love Mia Michaels, love love love Sonya Tayeh. I had the privilege to take a class with her and it was amazing. She is such a hard ass. And she talked to me! specifically :) Love dance, I just LOVE it. :) Also, I got to see my baby kitty this weekend! I loved it. :) There's his pic, little Winston.

I had a dream last week where a girl from my hs got mad at me and smashed my ipod. It was with one of those meat tenderizer hammers, and the screen was smashed, and looked like a spider's web. The weird thing is, that a few days later at So you Think You Can Dance, there was a girl in front of me who had an ipod whose screen looked just like mine in the dream. ...coincidence?? certainly is creepy.

Dreaming

So last night I had an interesting dream...

I was at school, and in my geography class. in real life I have a really fun teacher and I like him, but he is SUPER anal about people texting in class. I got busted once. I wasn't about to argue with him when he said to stop texting, but I kinda wanted to inform him that I actually wasn't; I was on my ipod on facebook stalking to find out about my 'friend's' party I was not invited to. Then, after my test a few days later (which is a whole embarrassing story in and of itself) he said, "now what is going on with the texting?" There again, I wanted to tell him I actually WASN'T texting. But of course I crawled into my little shell and said nothing.

Anyway, in the dream I was in class and we were taking notes I believe. I had my computer out, which this teacher would NEVER allow. I was on facebook, which I obviously was not supposed to be doing. Then, I got a message or a chat or something from my teacher! He was trying to hit on me! while we were in class...

Later we were talking about the texting he had thought he saw me doing. I said I'm so sorry I don't want to be bad. And then he kissed me! Weird.

I don't know what that means :)

Wednesdays

Tonight I had a great experience.

I got to be paid to do something I loved!

I worked, and had so much fun, and even more than just pleasure, I had contentment. I enjoyed what I was doing, and if I do say so myself, I am good at it. :)

I never ever thought that I would like to work at a retail store. I love it.

I don't know if I have what it takes to be a teacher, I have doubts lately.

-What if I fail the children?

-Is it too much responsibility?

-What if children forget about me?

-I'm gonna burnout fast

-Kids can get annoying

-Do I have enough energy and personality to last through a day in front of impressionable youth?

....Who KNOWS!???

I guess I'll see where my path leads me.

All I hope is that the path leads me to happiness.

I want to be able to enjoy life.

I want to fall in love, and be loved back. It's the most amazing feeling I have ever known. I put my faith in love so much, and I fall so fast and so hard that I get hurt by love. It's just so powerful. But hopefully this hurt love has shown me will be juxtaposed by the intense happiness that love will bring me. :/

I have so much homework. :( It's one in the morning and I'm starting to think I should start on my homework.

goodnight Irene.

I hope I get to dream tonight!

First ever!

This is my first blog. :)

I have never blogged before, and it seems like a nice catharsis, if nothing else.

It is something I have always felt uneasy about, but something i want to try.

I thought that this would be a good idea to write down my dreams because lately they have been so wild and crazy.

One of my favorite things to do it sleep. And I love dreams. And sharing them.

So this will be a place where I will empty my mind.